When people say hurtful words

There are words a person says that we almost forget as soon as they are said.

Then there are those that stay with us. The words that linger ,sting and live rent free in our hearts for months and years.

Sometimes they come from strangers and other times, these come from the people close to us. The people we respect and value their opinions of us.

I don’t have a problem with constructive criticism, my only issue is how a person delivers it.

For the one who has hurt others

What is the overflow of your hearts’ posture?

Is it a frustrated ,mean ,negative or aggressive attitude?

Mathew 12:34,says ‘ for whatever is in your hearts determines what you say’.

I am such a firm believer of this verse. Our words will always reveal to others the state of our hearts.

For example , if your heart is filled with bitterness due to the past disappointments and betrayals in your life, you will always see a bad outcome in someone else’s good news. Vocalizing statements such as ‘it will end in tears’ or ‘it will not go far’.

Or if you self criticize yourself a lot , then there is nothing good you will see in others other than the places where they are lacking and where they could do better.

If you feel small, the overflow of what comes out of your mouth are belittling statements towards others. And if your heart is filled with envy, you will minimize the success of others by saying ‘they wouldn’t have gotten that job anyways without connections’.

When hurts compound ,they create a pain inside of us . That we will act out later on by hurting others.

and just like what my favorite author says, what we don’t work out we act out.(Lysa Terkeurst).

ARE YOU BEING HONEST OR JUST BEING MEAN?

I’ve observed that oftentimes we say the most hurtful words to others under the guise of being honest enough to say the hard things to a friend.

But your timing, intent and tone matters.

We can tell a friend the truth whilst being kind with our words. Your honesty towards others should be to build them and not to break them apart. How the other person receives it is a completely different topic. Here I’m speaking about the person who is being rude whilst being convinced its honesty.

For the one who has been hurt

While the motive behind someone saying hurtful words can vary, some people spew these hurtful words in an attempt to score points with an audience or to validate them.

BUT I WOULDN’T HAVE SAID THAT TO THEM THOUGH…

This realization is the most hurtful. you watch someone effortlessly speak the most hurtful words without seemingly considering the weight those words might have on you.

The thing is humans tend to view other people through the lense of what they would do.

So now when someone acts in the opposite way than you would have ,you cannot fathom ,but utter ,’but i wouldn’t have spoken to them in that way, i wouldn’t have been so harsh with my words like that.

i would have considered abcd before i came to an xyz conclusion about them, i would have been a bit more sensitive in my approach, i wouldn’t have sent that text message to them.

I would have, I Would Have, I WOULD’NT HAVE done that to them though.

but here’s the thing friend, the way someone else chose to speak to you cannot be controlled by you. what you can do is either honestly vocalize that you did not like the way they spoke to you or you can choose not to allow their words to take root within you.

for example if someone sends a nasty text or passes a rude comment about your weight . you can either decide to confront them about their tone and attitude or you can decide to not allow those words to take root in your heart. which might play out as overthinking or replaying the conversation in your head.

BECAUSE

The danger in overthinking and replaying the conversation may lead to you forming an identity around those words.

For example you start seeing yourself as ugly because you replayed someone’s comment that said ‘you’ve become less attractive ever since you gained weight’.

Or seeing yourself as not good enough because you replayed someone’s comment that said ‘all this time studying and a 55 % is all you got?’.

Or you replay someone’s comment that said ‘your problem is that you’re too emotional’ and you conclude that your emotions are a problem and you are overly sensitive.

these statements and more can become true if you allow them to.

BE THE KIND OF PERSON THAT HEALS

there is a principle i learnt from the book becoming more than a good bible study girl by Lysa T and that is to ask ourselves these questions before we speak. are my words kind?are they true ?and are they necessary?

Words have the power to build and break. be the kind of person who has Christ living in them that the overflow of our hearts’ posture are words that build.

that’s it pal. this post is for me too because i tend to yap a lot and it is through these many words that i might utter words that will hurt others.

prayer:

dear God live in our hearts so that through the deposition of your love and kindness in our hearts. we may not utter hurtful words towards other people.